Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
