think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
