I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
