Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was born a porn star she said
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
