Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
