I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize