Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
