maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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