Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
as a side note pls kill me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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