my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
