this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
