There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
