you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Too much gin, very little bucket
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
