the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
