I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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