He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
