ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
