I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
