I think i peed on brittanys purse
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
