Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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