I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
