Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
