i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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