if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
