I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
