I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Small penises have feelings too.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
