you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
