I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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