im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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