can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
