I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
