Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
