he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
