I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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