I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
As shirtless as possible
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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