and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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