I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
