we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
