I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The struggles of a small town man whore
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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