there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
