took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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