I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
