Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
