I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize