my phone needs a breathalizer
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
