Plan B is the new Plan A
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
