I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
