I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize