My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
