he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
