mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize