STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize