Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
