i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
