Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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