Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
