I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
