I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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