dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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