I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize