hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
