Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Plan B is the new Plan A

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(702): View more from Nevada

It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.

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(517): View more from Michigan

i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis

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(909): View more from California

and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....

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(773): View more from Illinois

I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.

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(914): View more from New York

you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through

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(807): View more from Ontario

I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now

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