you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
