I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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