No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
