She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
