Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
