I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i drank out of a bidet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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