New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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