Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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