we have pet lesbian snakes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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