You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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