I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
