Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
