considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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