And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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